Be in Parents: Ever Disciplined Someone Else’s Kid?

It’s prime playground season and overly-excited kids will always end up getting out of hand at some point—including the ones that don’t belong to you. Ever been in a situation where your kid's playmate misbehaved in your presence? Maybe he wouldn’t give your child’s toy back, maybe she teamed up with your kid for a sufficiently dangerous wrestling match, or maybe he simply forgot to say, “please.” Whatever the situation, big or small, we want to know how you handled it—when did you say something, and when did you keep quiet? Post your story in the comments and it might end up in Parents!

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Comments

[JamieM]

I was at a fast food restaurant with my 1 year old son. We were playing in the playland and a boy, whose parents were sitting at a table, pushed my son off a 2 foot high stage area. I didn't say anything because I thought maybe it was a one-time thing. When the kid tried to do it again, though, I stepped in and told the kid, in no uncertain terms, he was not to touch my child again. This got the parents' attention and they made him apologize!

I would not usually step in and discipline another child, but when the child's actions affect my kid, that's where I draw the line.

[Jennifer]

We were eating at our favorite fast food place (The one with the famous poultry sandwich) and there were alot of older kids playing in the play area. My girls are only 4 and 2, but usually play well and enjoy themselves. My four year old came out and said that my two year old was crying for me. As I worked my way through the kids I found a boy about 6 or 7 years old screaming in my two year old's face to "get out of the way". She was scared stiff. He hadn't seen me coming and so I said quite loudly, "Hey, she's TWO YEARS OLD - take it easy". He took off like a bolt of lightning and left the play area. He clearly knew he had been behaving inappropriately. And I'm pretty sure he was scared I'd tell his parents. I didn't tell them. Most of the time I find that parents don't want to be told anything negative about their children.

[Dorothy]

My general rule is that if I don't get to enjoy the conception, I'm not going to suffer through the discipline. I would much prefer if I can avoid saying things to other kids. When another child intentionally hurts my kids, though, I jump in and say something. I don't want to be evil, but I don't want my kids hurt.

At a local mall playground, we often come across children who are far too big to be there who do dangerous tricks around very small children. In that case, I usually just go straight to security to let them know. They always come quickly and let the kids know they're far too big to be there.

When my daughters were probably about 3 or so, a little boy at the playground was on a tear. He was about 2 years old or so and he ran around like crazy--narrowly avoiding other kids. Then he ran past one of my daughters, stopped and shoved her off the toy she was on.

She started screaming and he ran away. He ran back and hit her AGAIN before I could take her to the side. I said, "Hey. We don't hit. Please be careful." I then took my daughter to the side.

The boy's mother was horribly offended. She came over and insisted he didn't mean to do it. I refused to get into it with her. I wasn't there to fight. I just wanted to comfort my kid.

Her son went on to do the same thing about 5 minutes later. I then advised my daughter to try to stay away from him.

[judy]

@Dorothy—i love your motto!!!!

[Tara]

I'm a teacher so, yes. ;)

Outside of school, I was at church and this 4th or 5th grade aged kid came tearing through, running as fast as he could, nearly running over some little kids. I put on my teacher voice and told him to stop running. I realized I was right in front of his mother and was nervous that she'd be upset but she actually thanked me.

[Julia]

I TRY not to be that Mom. However, when it involves older children doing things that endanger my 2 year old daughter, my 21 month old neice, my 5 year old nephews, and/or their playmates, I've been known to raise my voice a bit, saying things like "Excuse Me! Do YOU Mind? Don't trample over them - they're MUCH smaller than you!" That's usually enough to get the culprit to slink away with a guilty look.

[Adventures In Babywearing]

My son took his lovey "Mr. Bear" to the park one day and at the top of the slide a boy decided to snatch it up and throw it way down to the ground. I looked at him and made him go down, pick it up, and apologize to my son. As far as I know the Mom never even noticed. But I felt like I did the right thing... the Mama Cat came out!

Steph

[Autumn]

A few weeks ago I was at a busy bookstore with my 3 kids. My 2 year old was playing at the train table with three barely or not quite walkers and a 4 year old. The 4 year old got upset when my son cried and told me that he didn't like babies. It wasn't five minutes later that he shoved one of the barely walkers right in the stomach knocking him flat on his back. Everyone but the mom of the brat, because she was engrossed in her magazine and never even looked up, gasped in shock.

Nobody said anything to the kid. I normally would've, but was so beyond shocked. Now I really regret it because that kid thinks he did nothing wrong.

I truly think it takes a village to raise a child.

[Shauna]

Like others have said, I don't generally correct other children's behavior, as it's not my job. A preschool teacher I know sometimes tries to nanny my kids even in my presence, occasionally even while I'm taking care of the problem, and I know how irritating that can be as a parent. However, I will step in to protect my child or someone else's if I see a child hurting someone and the parent is not putting a stop to the behavior. That might mean simply speaking to the child and telling him to stop it, or it might require getting help, as I did when I witnessed a group of older boys holding another boy and punching him on a playground.

[Jill]

But, what do you do when the kid in question is a neighbor and the mother of kid thinks he is a saint, and you are insane?
Case in point - kid comes into our yard, verbally taunting my daughter. She comes inside, and tells me. I decide to go out with her and find kid hiding in our bushes. I follow kid back to house, mother says she told him to apologize. "Um, yeah, right" - then why was he hiding, crouched down, in my bushes? She starts screaming at me, about how I have it out for kid. Wha???
Don't know what to do with these geniuses...

[Rebecca V.]

I am a mother of 2 boys (almost 4 years old and 20 months) and have been a kindergarten teacher for the past 10 years. I try to always let my kids solve their problems but recently with bigger children I've had to step in and ask them to leave the smaller children alone or be careful around them. I try to show my own boys to stand up for themselves but being so small, many times they don't know how to deal with it.

[Tracy]

I have to say there have been a LOT of times I have just sat back and let things happen. I tend to think that if the child isn't posing a threat to my child, pets, belongings or an innocent bystander then it isn't my place. When I am in someone elses house I will only correct a child if they are causing problems with my child. In my experience most parents will correct their children when they are at home but loose control when they are in your house or public. I know that have been children in my house that are jumping on the furniture and running after my dog and the parents just watch and laugh. Its really hard when you are friends because people are very sensitive about their children and will take everything you say very personally. I would usually try to get the child interested in something else instead of correcting them. I also try to make a point of talking to the friend later about how I don't let my child do certain things and hope they get the hint. Sometimes it works to say something to the child, like "oh lets get down I don't want you to hurt yourself." I know sometimes you get the "oh he does that all the time" but sometimes it works. Once when I was with a group of friends walking my dog one of the children asked to pet him. He was between two and three. He had been around the dog before so I didn't think anything of it. After a minute or so he just hauled off and smacked the top of my dogs head with a water gun. My dog is a chihuahua so it did some major damage. The mother just kind of looked at me and said sorry but didn't say anything to her child. One of the friends I was with took him by the arm and told him that its not nice to hit and told him to say sorry. This was in a different country so I assume thats why my friend reacted the way she did. I think there are certain times when you need to say something to the child and hopefully you can get a point across that will save someone else some trouble.

[Amy]

I was at my niece’s 3rd birthday party when some older boys, about 5th grade, came running by one was holding a bat and chasing the other. The one with the bat looked like he was really going to hit the other boy. They'd run away and come back. My friend saw this went up to the boy with the bat and asked him what he was doing and why he was trying to hit the boy and then made them apologize to each other and walked them back to their moms with the bat! It was really what needed to be done, but I think the rest of us couldn't believe what was happening.

[Kellie]

Like others, I try to let my 22 month old work it out on her own if another child takes the toy she was playing with, etc., but I step in when the other child acts in a way that endangers my child.

Very often at the playground, older kids will not wait their turn on the slide, starting the slide before my daughter is off at the bottom, and they end up crashing into her, pushing her off the slide with their momentum. Or, if she's taking her time on the stairs between sections of the playstructure, they'll push past her and knock her down. In situations like that, I will generally say something loudly to the other child along the lines of "please wait your turn" or "she's smaller than you are and needs some extra time."

[jen]

I have ABSOLUTELY disciplined my child's playmate when they mis-behaved. Luckily there is a close enough friendship between their parents and I that we are free to discipline the others' children.
We are known to correct behaviors from hitting and running to talking back and throwing tantrums. Even giving time outs!

[kim dawson]

At least once a month we go to the local thrift store to go shopping. we live close to birmingham so our thrift store gets name brands like ralp lauren! Anyways my 7 month was with me. in the store there was kids running around everywhere. Well my 7 month old was in his stroller and this little boy about 7 came running by with a football. I didn't think anything of it at first, then i glanced down and the next thing I saw was the boying throwing the ball at my baby! I was able to block the ball from getting near my son. I then told the boy that wasn't nice nice and he doesn't need to throw things in the store he could hurt someone. I remained calm then asked the little boy where his mom was. I told her what he had done and she looked at me and replied "Yea he's been acting out"! No i'm sorry or I'll say something to him, I was stunned.

[Judy Bruso]

I subscribe to the "it takes a village" model of parenting, in most instances. My children are a bit older now, so I try to let them problem-solve on their own...often encouraging them to be a good example for misbehaving friends. When they aren't being the good example, and are joining in with the friends' misbehavior, I will gently correct my child in front of the other children, hoping that they all get the hint. And they usually do! When the parents of the other children aren't around and that child needs guidance, I do take the opportunity to offer that guidance--and assume that other parents would do the same for my children in my absence.

[christina]

I don't mind stepping in and saying something when a kid is out of line in a public play place, like cutting in line or just being abusive, I don't care if the mother is standing right there. I have shy children and stand up for their right to be there and have fun even when they won't. But I have a friend who is so overzelous about telling my kids what to do. At my home, when I'm in the room. It drives me crazy. She'll tell them not to run from room to room when she doesn't even know the rules of my house. I don't mind her telling them stuff like that when we are at her house playing, because the rules are different there. But don't discipline my children at my house when I'm standing right there. I mean, if harm were to come to someone from their actions, I would understand her doing that, but she does it over such trivial things it ticks me off.

[Tracey]

I will speak to a child if I think that he/she is hurting another child.

My son who is 2 was at a playdate and a little boy continued to snatch his toy hammer away. The first time I explained to my son that it's nice to share and made it loud enough for the mother to hear...but nothing was said by the mother. However, when my son chose another toy and this same litle boy snatched it away again...I calmly told the little boy "I am sorry but someone else was playing with that first and you will have to wait your turn". I then gave it back to my son. The mother listened to what I was saying but did not say anything to her son.

Initially I felt a little bad but after thinking of it I thought, why should my son have to have things taken away from him. It made me feel like I could protect my little sweetheart from anything.

[tracy rizzo]

Just want to throw out there that some kids may appear old enough to know better but have developmental delays. My son has autism and we have gotten more than one glare or worse when he does something as simple as not know to move out of someones way, or taken a toy.When he was 2 he took another kids sippy cup because it looked like his. The mother was so nasty I never returned to the playgroup. So before you step in consider that you don't know everything

[Amy]

Earlier this week I kept bumping into the same mom at the grocery store with little boy in her cart. He looked to be similar in size to my 10 mo baby with me. Turns out she was parked right next to me outside in the parking lot - and says "These kids - causing trouble while shopping!" I responded "yeah, but I have three more at home so this one is cake." (it was late and the baby was tired) She said something about him being the only one and at less than a year already "kicking my butt." For whatever reason this exchange has been turning over in my head all week. Who is in charge in that house? Is it the baby? I believe that if kids are better disciplined then we wouldn't have so many screaming kids in the grocery store. =)
To answer the question - I step in when needed. I have often asked the toy be returned to a younger child, or set up a two minute warning for a turn to be taken. I have found that if I am gently in my conversation nearly every kid will respond.

[Tonya]

A few weeks ago we took our 3 children to the local flower fields. At one point in the day we took a break and let them play in the playground. They have adorable fairy tale houses for the children to play around. One of the houses was locked but had little stairs going up to it. My 19 month old little girl went to walk up the stairs (one of her favourite things to do). There was a bigger girl standing at the top holding a stick. She immediately waved the stick in my little girls face and told her she wasn't allowed on the stairs. I let it go the first time to see what my little one would do. Again she tried again to go up the stairs but this time the older girl really got in her face with the big stick and was demanding that she not go up there. At this point I decided it was time to step in before my little girl was hurt. I decided the best approach would be just to subtly let the older girl know that I was the mother and I was watching, so I ignored her and told my little girl quite loudly to go up the stairs and have fun. The older girl looked glared at me, informed me that the door to the house was locked and she's protecting it and my little girl can't go up there. I turned to the little girl and said 'being her mother I think I will decide where she can and can't go and I think she can go up the stairs and I don't want to see you waving your stick in her face again'. Where were the parents, they'd left the playground to pick up lunch. I decided that seeing as they were irresponsible to begin with then it was pointless taking it up with them after the event. The older girl made sure she didn't come near us after that but I saw her keeping an eye on me.

[Melanie Sheridan]

I would want to know if my son was doing or saying something that was cruel, hurtful or inappropriate and I find most parents are the same.

This past weekend, there was a tween birthday party at the pool in my neighborhood. After the party, two boys and three girls remained (I don't know if any of them were residents of my complex).

They were all in the jacuzzi. From my chair, I could hear all of their conversation. The boys were daring the girls to flash them, the girls were daring the boys to fake having sex with the hand rail leading into the jacuzzi (the word they were using is the same as what a camel has on its back). according to the boys, girls were flashing all the time at the parties they attend.

After more of this talk and seeing the whole group go into the ladies restroom together for the second time, I'd had enough. I told my son to get his things.

I caught them all coming out of the batroom and said I shouldn't have to take my 5 year old home so as not to hear the topic of their conversation or on the off chance one of the girls decided to take the dare.

I said their actions and conversation were totally inappropriate for a public pool, especially with so many children present.

I warned that if I saw them at the pool behaving like that again, I'd call their parents.